


Deadpool doesn’t ask for help

by Zummar



Category: Deadpool - Fandom
Genre: Deadpool’s beeing inappropriate, Gen, asking for help, nega’s messingwith Deadpool
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-05-10 06:17:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14731532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zummar/pseuds/Zummar
Summary: Deadpool needs help, the only ones he can think of to ask is the x-men Colossus and Negasonic teenage Barbie or whatever she’s called...





	Deadpool doesn’t ask for help

**Author's Note:**

> My first Deadpool fic, it’s short and I kinda just wrote it to get out of my writers block. Hope you like :)  
> And a big thanks to Li Izumi for beta'ing, and In2lalaland for forcing me into new waters :)

”Okay, here goes.” the red and black leather costume, covering him from top to toe, creaks as he walks with determined steps up the gravel road. He stops abruptly and makes an 180° turn “Nope, no…Deadpool does not ask for help, specially not those freaks.” He walks almost the whole way back to the cab that’s waiting at the curb.

 

He can see Dopinder look up from his phone, raising his eyebrows in question when he sees him approaching. “Fuck!” Deadpool exclaims and turns around again. His walk is measured and even more determined than before. He walks up to the big wooden door that leads to X-men HQ and pushes the doorbell.

 

_Ding-dong_

 

He impatiently taps his foot on the concrete step making a clicking noise. Far too soon he pushes the doorbell again, ding-dong the sound echoes through the house. _Ding-dong_ his index finger hits the button once more. _Ding-dong, ding-dong, ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-_ the door is flung open _-dong_ ….

 

“What?”

 

“Oh, great!”  He claps his hands together. “Well, if it isn’t Teenage mutant ninja Ripley.”

 

She rolls her eyes at him.

 

“Is daddy home?” he asks like he’s talking to a child.

 

“Deadpool.” Negasonic sighs and leans against the door frame. “What bring us the pleasure?”

 

Her stoic expression doesn’t give away anything as she stares Deadpool straight in the face.

 

 

“I would really like to ask for your help...” He clears his throat. “WHO THE FUCK writes this shit?” He looks over his shoulder as to find someone responsible for his actions. “Ah, nah, don’t you give me that crap, I know this is some sort of fanfiction so fess up!”

 

…

 

“Come on! I’m pretty sure you’re some woman in her mid-30’s, probably overweight,  with 2.4 kids that uses this for some ‘creative outlet” amirite?”

 

_1.85_

 

“Huh?”

 

_2.4 kids per woman is American numbers…I’m not American._

 

“Ha! But the rest is true?”

 

_Maybe…But we’re not here to talk about me, now are we?”_

 

Nega unwraps a big pink bubblegum and pops it in her mouth, chews on it for a while and then makes a big bubble. Deadpool does a quick motion with his right arm and pops the bubble. He stares at the mess he’s made and starts laughing uncontrollably. Nega silently pulls the treads of sticky strawberry flavored gum from her face.

 

Deadpool goes totally rigid and says, “Ah, well played, you’re trying to distract me from the poor writing.”

 

_Hey, I would never do such a thing. I didn’t put the gum in her mouth, or your finger in her gum._

 

“You’re the fucking author, aren’t you?” He throws his hands out with an exasperated sigh.

 

“Damn it!” He looks at the teenager still chewing gum in the doorway. “I have a bloody mission Mrs. Author…so if you could just, oh I don’t know, stop making up shit and let me get on with my doings!”

 

He jerks back to face Nega. “So, Sinead, since ‘nothing compares to you’ and your metal terminator friend, I need you to follow me on a teensy weensy little mission”

 

She blows another bubble, pops it, sucks the gum into her mouth again.

 

“Colossus!” she shouts and boots the door shut in Deadpool’s face.

 

“Rude!”

 

He points a finger to the sky and says, “You’re still doing it! Bitch stop!”

 

_Again, I’m not doing anything, you are, I’m merely an innocent bystander, a spectator…I’m just taking notes. And also, I don’t care for your tone…_

 

“Don’t care for my tone,” he patronizes. “You fucking made her slam the door in my face!” he explodes.

 

_Don’t mind me, I’m just taking notes of the events, she slammed it in your face, not me…_

“Fine!” He sighs and again his foot starts tapping the concrete step until the door opens again and Colossus and Nega appears on the other side.

 

“Okay, let’s go.” Nega says and pushes past him, she takes put the gum, gives it to Deadpool “Here, hold this”

 

“Nooo?!” He jumps back hands held up like someone held a gun at him. “What’s wrong with you? Where on earth is today’s youth headed?” he shudders.

 

“To help you and I can’t chew gum out on a mission, that’s just unprofessional” She gives him a rare smile. “Relax, old man, I’m just messing with you” She winks at Colossus who huffs as he gives Deadpool a pat on the back.

 

“What she said, let’s go” he urges with his heavy accent.

 

Behind him Deadpool mouths ‘ouch´ and rubs his back where he was hit. The two x-men stops at the bottom of the steps and turns toward Deadpool.

 

“Are you coming, or do you need a walker, grandpa?”

 

“Walker..?” he murmurs disgruntled and passes them quickly and walks down to the cab and Dopinder. He harshly pulls the passenger seat door open and jumps into the cab.

 

“Oh, Mr. Pool, you’re back, and you brought friends” he says excitedly in his English with a thick Indian accent.

 

“Ah, Dupinder…so nice to hear your voice again.” He sighs with content “I honestly don’t know if that accent makes me wanna hang up or if it turns me on. When mister giant here--” he nods at the backseat where Colossus is trying to fit all his body parts into the vehicle “--has managed to squeeze in his ginormous ass, you step on it, okay?”

 

“Okidoki, Mr. Pool.”

 

“Good! I see a ‘high ten’ in your future, Dupinder.”

 

 

 


End file.
